Freedom from “shoulds” and “should nots”

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Ascended Master Saint Germain through Kim Michaels, September 5, 2021. This dictation was given during the 2021 Webinar for America –Towards Golden Age Relationships.

I AM the Ascended Master Saint Germain, Chohan of the Seventh Ray of Freedom.

How can you achieve a state of freedom in your relationships? Well, there is inner freedom, there is outer freedom, and in some relationships you cannot achieve outer freedom. But in all relationships, you can achieve inner freedom by, as the other Chohans have said, resolving these separate selves.

What I want to give you here is that there comes a point where you need to look at something that is, of course, a separate self, but it is also a certain attitude, a certain mindset. And this mindset can be described with one word, should. When you look at earth you see that there are so many things in all societies and all cultures and all historical epochs, where people have had the sense that there is something they should do, a certain way that they should live, or they have a strong sense that there are somethings they should not do, a certain way they should not behave or should not believe or should not live, should not talk, should not look and so on.

There are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that it makes your head spin when you start looking at it. How do you achieve inner freedom in your relationships and for that matter, all other aspects of life? By getting rid of the word should. Of course, it is not just one word you need to get rid of because in past lives you have created many separate selves that are focused on a particular thing you should do or a particular thing you should not do. It will be a process where you need to look at these and begin to overcome them one by one. But what I want to give you is that it is possible within a reasonable period of time to free ourselves from at least some of these “shoulds”. And it can influence your relationships in a profound way so that you can have relationships that are not simply free but also creative. And what a creative relationship is, I want to talk more about it later.

But first I want to focus on this word should and the concept of should. What have we said many, many times? The ultimate law of this unascended sphere is free will. What have we said almost as many times, the one thing that is most difficult to understand about free will is that it is free. Well, if free will is free, does that not mean that you have complete freedom to choose anything you want? In the law of free will, this cosmic law of free will; now, if you imagine that you have a cosmic law book where there is written the law of free will in words, then you can ask yourself, can there in this cosmic law text about free will be the word should?

Of course, there could not, because then free will would not be free, if there are some choices you should make, and some choices you should not make. It is a contradiction in terms that you can have free will and there are some things you should or should not do. Where does the should come from? Well, of course, it comes ultimately from the fallen beings who have created all of these ideas of should or should not. And they have done this partly as the one side of the coin to control people but also to defend themselves.

Because they believe, at least some of them believe, that God did not give them completely free will because then they should not have to face the consequences of their choices. And therefore, God requires them to do certain things. They think that God has defined certain things they should do or should not do. And that is why they are being punished by falling. Now, as we have explained over and over again, falling is not something that was forced upon them, it is a result of their free choices. You can debate how free they were but they had the freedom to get themselves into a state of mind they were in before they fell.

What it is very important for you as avatars to contemplate is why you have come to accept these “shoulds” and “should nots”. Now we have said that there was a point where it was decided to allow fallen beings to embody on earth. There was therefore a certain call that went out to some natural planets for avatars to volunteer to come to earth and hold a spiritual balance for earth. I want to make it absolutely clear, if anything can be made absolutely clear on an unnatural planet, that this was an entirely voluntary thing. You were not required or forced to leave a natural planet and take embodiment on earth. There was no such requirement.

But you need to recognize that beyond the cosmic birth trauma that you receive by coming to earth, there can still be something unresolved in what brought you to earth, your attitude, your beliefs, your way of looking at coming to earth. There were at least some avatars that created this mindset that well, someone had to embody on earth to balance the fallen beings, someone should embody on earth in order to balance the fallen beings. And they therefore adopted this mindset that they should do this, out of a sense of whatever they had, it could be different for each person, but they had the sense, “I should go to earth and embody there.”

Some of these avatars had this experience, others had the experience after coming to earth, even though they did not feel they should come to earth. But you come to earth, you are now confronted with the fallen ones, who are very aggressively putting you down seeking to destroy you. And most avatars were so shocked by this, we were all shocked, but most of us were shocked by the fallen beings’ aggressiveness and willingness to destroy us, that we felt this should not have happened to us. Because we came to earth with the best of intentions, we came to earth to help planet earth, to help raise the earth, to help raise the people of earth, so there are certain things that should not have happened to us. Some even adopted the attitude that “God should not have allowed this to happen to me”.

You see here some people, some avatars came with a should in their consciousness. But most avatars after they experienced the birth trauma, they adopted certain should nots. Now, even if you did not come here out of a sense that you should come here, there was, of course, a reason why you came here. And there were a very small percentage of avatars that came here because they realized this could help them grow. This could help you grow. But most avatars came for another reason.

We have talked about how there is a certain progression on a natural planet where you start by being more focused on yourself and then you gradually rise to giving more and more service to the whole, to the community, to society, to your planet as a whole and all of the beings living on it. The more evolved you become on a natural planet, the more you are in this mode of giving service.

When there was a call to go to an unnatural planet most of the avatars who decided to do this, saw that this was them giving a service, a service to the earth, a service to the ascended masters by taking on this task. I am not in any way saying there is something wrong with this, it is quite natural, quite understandable. But what you need to recognize here is that, that after you came to earth and experienced the density, the difficulty, the unpleasantness of earth, most of us came to this point where we really recognized that we did not like being on earth, it was not pleasant. There was really nothing we personally wanted to do or experience or achieve on earth, as a personal matter. What most of us decided was that we were only here to give service.

And what then creeps into the mind is this sense that because it is so unpleasant to be here, there should be a positive experience that could compensate for the unpleasantness. And in order to achieve this positive experience, there is something we should achieve on earth so we can feel we have given service. After all, if we came to earth and experienced all this unpleasantness, and we did not give any service, it did not make any positive difference that we were here, then it could very easily seem pointless of us to come here, or so it begins to seem in our minds.

We now get ourselves into this state of mind where we feel there is something we should do, there is something we should achieve, there are some problems we should solve, there are some people we should help here on earth. And this is understandable again. It is an understandable reaction. But it is also a very tricky reaction, given the nature of free will. Because what does it mean for us that we have made a positive difference on earth?

It essentially means that we have changed some of the people living on earth, either the original inhabitants, or the fallen beings. We now have created this mindset that, in order to achieve what we think we should achieve on earth, we should be able to change other people, which means changing their minds. And yet, we experienced time and time again that the fallen beings viciously attack us, and that most among the original inhabitants of the earth ignore us or reject us more aggressively.

Over many lifetimes, we come to feel that “Why am I here? What is the point in me being here? What difference does it make? What have I achieved?” This causes us to create these separate selves that are still, some of them, trying to push us into achieving something, into doing something because if we have not achieved a solid result so far it must be because we have not done the right thing. We have not tried hard enough. Therefore, we must redouble our efforts. If at first you do not succeed, try, try, try again. We build this entire conglomerate of selves that are sort of being obsessive compulsive about us doing something on earth, achieving something that makes a difference, something we should be able to achieve, we should have achieved.

And this now can profoundly affect our relationships to other people, where we go into relationships with this sense that we should be able to help other people. Instead of having a peaceful relationship, instead of approaching a relationship with peace, we approach it not with fear so much as this sense of compulsion, we should be able to achieve something through this relationship, helping another person. And this still gives this element of force, this element of tension.

We are not at peace, and therefore, of course, we are not free, we are not free in ourselves, to relate to other people freely, we are not even free to relate to other people as equals, because we feel that we are the more advanced beings and the other people should listen to us, learn from us, be inspired by us. This sets up this certain dynamic that is based on force, based on a sense of should. And if you will be willing to look at your personal relationships, you might be able to recognize this pattern.

Certainly, this messenger has looked at his first three marriages, and has recognized that there was a certain dynamic where he felt that he should help his partners achieve some kind of healing, some kind of resolution of psychology, he felt the same way with his father, and with a number of other people he has met in his life. It was only when he started looking at these patterns, and asking himself where they came from, that he started being able to free himself somewhat, at least, from this sense that he should change other people. And after having worked on this for several years, he came to the point where he realized, “I am getting out of the business of changing other people.” And this was before he had the teachings on avatars and separate selves, so it was a difficult process to go through.

And it was only after he got the teachings on avatars that he then started contemplating “What was it that brought me to earth? What was it in my attitude that I need to overcome” and that is when he started recognizing that, regardless of why he thought he came to earth in order to give a certain service, the real reason he came to earth was to overcome something in himself, to resolve something in himself. And it very much relates to the free will, because how can you have a free relationship to other people if you feel that you should help them change?

How does the person ultimately change? By making a free will choice. If you feel you should help them to make a certain choice, then you are not setting them free to make their own choices in their own time. But neither are you setting yourself free to relate to them in a free manner, because you are taking on a certain role as a teacher, as a guru, and you feel that you should behave a certain way in order to change the other person. And that means you are in a sense, willing to change yourself in order to change another person, and that is disrespecting the free will of the other person. But it is also disrespecting your own free will.

Now, again, I am not blaming anyone for this. It is an understandable reaction. And many of us have gone into either this or a similar reaction. Each of us can have our own individual reasons for it, our own individual attitude and psychology. But we have all gone into this. We want to achieve something, but the only way to achieve it is by changing other people. And in order to change other people we are willing to change ourselves.

The first thing I want to give you from the seventh ray is this. You need to carefully consider your desire to change other people. Some of it comes from separate selves  you have created on earth, but some of it came from separate selves you created on a natural planet, because you were not ascended on a natural planet. You brought it with you to earth. And in order to be completely free, you need to look at this, work on it, and let it take the time it takes until you can come to that inner resolution, “I am done with changing other people, I do not have to change anyone on earth.” And that is when you can begin to be free from this compulsion of should, this means you can now begin to look at yourself in a different way. Look at your sojourn on earth in a different way.

Now, as I said, most of us who came as avatars to earth came with a sense that we were here to give service. And when we then encountered this attack from the fallen beings, we went into this should not or this should, we should achieve certain results. In a sense, there was a certain strain in our view of what it means to give service, we were not giving service freely, we were giving it from the sense that we should give the service or that we should achieve certain results. We look at earth and we say “This is more of a duty we are doing as a service to other people or to the ascended masters.” There is that element of “should”, that element of force, that element of compulsion.

The result of this is that we are not free in our minds to consider: “Could there be something we actually would enjoy here on earth? Could there be something we really want to do here on earth?” And there came a point where this messenger faced these questions in himself. And he was shocked by realizing that in all of the many, many embodiments and years he has been on this planet, he had never really dared to ask those questions openly: “Is there something I want to do on earth? Is there something I enjoy doing on earth? Can I actually be at peace with being here, and make the best out of this planet as it is, and get the best experiences I can have in the time I have left?” And many of you will find the same reaction in you. Some of us who have ascended have certainly been conscious of that reaction. But there are others of us who have still managed to ascend, even though we did not actually fully resolve this until we were at a very high level where it was too late for us to really do anything on earth, because our ascension was imminent.

You will see that if you look honestly back at previous ascended master organizations, you will see that they often had a very similar pattern. The messenger or messengers had this sense of obligation, a sense of duty for giving service. And many among the students had the same thing. It was not actually that people enjoyed sitting in a barn in Montana and decreeing for seven hours, they did it out of a sense of duty, a sense of giving service to the earth, to humanity, to the ascended masters.

I am not trying to say this was wrong, I am not trying to put it down. I am just saying that you can see the pattern of this sense of duty, obligation, this sense that “We should be doing this, and we should not be out there enjoying life. Because as dedicated ascended master students who want to make our ascension, we cannot actually allow ourselves to enjoy life. And to consider what we would enjoy doing on earth. We have to consider what we should be doing in order to qualify for our ascension, or save the world for Saint Germain.” Again, I am not making fun of it. I am not mocking it. But I am stating very clearly the pattern that you can observe if you are willing to look at it.

What I am giving you here is this, when you come to the point where you have this inner peace in your relationship, you have resolved some of your outer selves it is really a logical next step for you to consider “What do I want out of a relationship? What do I want to experience in terms of relationships? What kind of relationships do I want to have with people?” It is a perfectly legitimate, because no matter why you came to earth, no matter what sense of duty or service you have, you still have free will. And you have a right to consider “What kind of experiences do I want?”

And it is very constructive and valuable to do this, because again, what have we said, you would have to take that last long look back at earth. And if there is some experience that you actually desired to have but that you have not had, well, how can you be ready to ascend, it has to be a free choice, my beloved, you may come to earth, you may stay on earth for two million years out of a sense of duty, and giving service, but you cannot ascend out of a sense of duty, you cannot ascend as a service to others. It has to be a completely free choice, where you decide that this is what I want more than anything on earth.

And in order to come to that point, where you can decide you want your ascension more than any experience you could have on earth, you must have considered what experiences you could have on earth, and whether there are some you really desire to have. And if you then identify that there are certain experiences you desire to have, then you may very well need to go after these experiences and have those experiences or you may need to work on how you can let go of this desire without having the actual experience. Either way can work.

There comes a point where you really need to consider honestly, “Do I want to be in a relationship with this person?“ And if you can identify that you have the sense that you should be in a relationship with this person, maybe because they are family, maybe because you have decided in some past life that you need to help this person and you cannot just leave them behind, even though they are obviously not willing to be helped, well, then you are not really free. You are not free either to decide, “What kind of relationships do I want, what kind of people do I want to attract in my life?”

This leads me to the next topic I want to touch on, which is that most relationships when you look at them on earth, they are based on this sense of obligation, the sense of should and should not. But there is another type of relationship, which is fairly rare, but nevertheless, will become much more common in the golden age. And it is what I would like to call a creative relationship.

It is a relationship where both people in the relationship or perhaps even more if it is in a group or team setting, are so free in their psychology, that they can focus on a creative goal. It can be anything, it can be anything from having a personal love relationship, or bringing forth children, raising a family to working together in some setting, or bringing forth some new invention, some new idea. It can be anything that is creative, where you improve some aspect of life. But it is not based on duty, sense of obligation should or should not. It is based on the desire to be creative.

Now, you may very well look at what I am saying here and say: Well, are not you talking about exactly what we have been doing for two million years in trying to give service to this planet? Well, in an outer sense I am, in a sense, talking about the same thing. I am talking about you improving some aspect of life. But in an inner sense, it is two vastly different things because you are not doing it out of a sense of obligation. You are not doing from a sense of compulsion, that you must feel you have achieved something on earth, you are doing it without any of these force-based aspects. Instead, you are free to be creative.

Creativity cannot be forced – it cannot be based on duty and obligation. I realize that many people, if they read this would say: “But what about the saying that necessity is the mother of invention? Look how many times people have been in a desperate situation and as a result of this, they have come up with some new solution, some new invention.” And this is true. But necessity is only the mother of invention in an age that is not a golden age, that is a force-based, fear-based age.

But in the golden age that I desire to take this planet into necessity will not be the mother of invention, creativity and joy will be the mother of invention. People will not invent because they have to, because they face some kind of crisis, they will invent because they desire to, they enjoy to, they get a sense of joy and fulfillment by inventing. It is a fundamental difference.

And this is the shift that you can come to in your relationships. When you become free enough in your own psychology, when you attain that inner peace that Nada talked about, and the qualities that the other Chohans have talked about, you can come to a point where you can have a different form of relationship, that is a creative relationship that is not fear-based or force-based. It is love-based. Because there is something you love on earth.

When you take what I have said here about how most of us came to earth, with a sense of giving service or a sense of obligation, you can say there is a certain love in this. I am not saying that this was not loving, and that this was not love based. It was not fear-based, but it was not the highest form of love, because the highest form of love is not really that you sense you should be doing this, but that you desire to do it or rather, you feel that your I Am Presence desires to experience something or to express something. This is the highest form of love, in that from an outer sense, you may be doing almost the same thing but the inner experience of this is different. Because when you give this service out of a sense of obligation, the Conscious You is not in pure awareness, it has certain selves that it is expressing itself through.

When the Conscious You is in pure awareness, that is when it is an open door for the I Am Presence. And then the Conscious You does not have a sense of compulsion, a sense that it should do certain things. It does it because it feels the joy of the I Am Presence flowing through it.

I know this is an abstract concept, it is probably beyond what most of you are ready to consider. But I still wanted to put these ideas out there for those who are ready for them. But all of you can benefit from considering this “should” and how many “shoulds’’ you have.

And you can look at your relationships and you can actually set up a certain scale where you say how many ‘‘shoulds’’ are there, how few ‘‘shoulds’’ are there. And you can see that some relationships are freer than others. And you can certainly begin to strive to qualify yourself so that you are free, you are not disturbed by the people who have all the ‘shoulds’ of what you should do or what you should not do. And you will become more and more free from reacting to them. And therefore you will become more and more open to attracting yourself to people with the same level of freedom so that you can have a relationship that is not based on all of these ‘shoulds’.

There is of course, much more to say about relationships, we of the Chohans could say many more things. But what we decided to do was to give you some fairly simple practical ideas that you can start using. And as we have said you do not need to feel obligated to use all of them at once. You look at them and see if there is one that resonates with you. And then you focus on that and make the best of it. Then when you feel you have gone through a certain phase, you look for the next thing and you keep working your way up.

If you want to you can, of course, say “I am going to make it a priority to focus on my relationships, so I am going to take the books from the Course to Self-Mastery, I am going to read them all again. And I am going to see how what the masters say actually relates to my relationships and my attitude towards relationships.” And you will be amazed at the results you can achieve by doing this, because there is much teaching in these books that actually apply at all levels of consciousness. There is a specific goal for the books, but there is much more, we are never limiting ourselves to just one specific task, we are always giving a variety of teachings that reach far beyond a specific task, and therefore can help many people at different levels of consciousness.

With this, my beloved, I have given you what I wanted to give you from the seventh ray. I want to express my gratitude from all of the Chohans and all of the other masters who have spoken here, so that you can hopefully feel our deep appreciation to each and every one of you who have participated in this webinar, those who have, of course, put on this webinar. And therefore, we hope that you will all feel that you have been part of the ascended masters activity on earth. And we hope you will allow yourself to feel a joy and a fulfillment of having been part of this experience. I am not thereby saying the experience is over as Gautama Buddha will also speak, but I wanted to express the deep gratitude of the Chohans and the other masters who have spoken.

So with this, I seal you in the bubbling joyful flame of freedom that I AM.


Copyright © 2021 Kim Michaels