TOPICS: It’s not about me – Be willing to make decisions – The Middle Way for making decisions – Perfectionism and making mistakes – Be willing to move on –
By Kim Michaels
It’s not about me
What is the very core of being a messenger? It is to develop the attitude that it is not about you; it is all about the masters. As a messenger, you are not the doer; it is the ascended masters who doeth the work. Your job is to be available as the open door, and to be as open as possible. Which means that you cannot allow any personal agenda to color what you receive from the masters and how you portray yourself.
I was once doing a conference in Columbia, which had been going on for several days. I had travelled for hours in a minibus to get to a remote town. I had taken a shower, but as I put shampoo in my hair, the hot water ran out and I had to finish the shower with ice-cold water. I had gotten too little sleep for a week, but here I was, standing in front of over 50 people who expected to hear a dictation from an ascended master. How do you take a dictation in a situation like that? By completely stepping back from the situation and truly feeling: “It is not about me. I can of my own self do nothing.”
I was once driving towards a conference after several days of hectic preparations. I was tired, dirty and felt I wasn’t in shape to be a good messenger. The thought came to me: “I hope there won’t be a dictation tonight.” And then I instantly felt the Presence of Jesus, who mentally said: “But if you are not the doer, what does it matter that you are tired?” My mindset shifted instantly, and I did receive three dictations that night.
Yet beyond stepping aside in specific situations, I also find it necessary to step aside in my general approach to being a messenger. I find it invaluable to always keep in mind that the ascended masters are completely and utterly beyond my personal perception of life. Thus, the only way I can continue to earn my position as a messenger for them is to always strive to transcend my personal perception and any subtle agendas of my ego. You did notice, didn’t you, that I said I still have an ego and that it still has its agendas?
I have met many people who have not understood this point. Some didn’t understand it as students, but the fact is that you cannot internalize the teachings until you realize they seek to take you beyond your personal agendas and perception. Some thought they were messengers but still didn’t understand the need to CONTINUALLY depersonalize. They thought that by being anointed as a messenger, they had suddenly become perfect human beings.
I have met several people whom I think were truly in training with the potential to become messengers. Yet in order to fully qualify, they had to transcend this very tendency to think the masters will validate you and your personal perception of life. They had to transcend the tendency to think that you are so important that the ascended masters are concerned about even small personal details.
If people do not see this, then there is no limit to how far they can go into thinking that the ascended masters have validated the way they look at life and the way they behave towards other people. I have seen people accuse others of being angry or critical, while thinking it was the masters doing this in order to put others in their place. I have seen people accuse others of being aggressive towards them while overlooking that they were seeking to use the ascended masters to control those others. Thus, they were projecting psychic energy at others while being convinced this came from the ascended masters.
Once you think you are a messenger and you think the masters have validated what is simply a personal agenda, what is to stop you from feeling the masters will validate anything you do or say? Wouldn’t the ego just love having the unquestionable authority of the ascended masters behind itself? It is literally scary to see that once you cross a certain line, you can do things that common sense clearly sees as aggressive or self-centered, yet you are completely convinced that this is validated by the ascended masters. What can then bring such a person back to balance?
I once knew a person who believed she was the next messenger. She traveled to a certain place, where she spent days driving around, believing she was being guided by Alpha to look for a place to build a temple. She finally found a piece of property and was convinced that Alpha wanted her to buy this property and then build a temple of initiation that would have seven stories. Yet this was in a place where zoning laws made it impossible to build any building taller than two stories. The person didn’t know that, but you would think Alpha would have known that.
This person also believed she had been given the design of this building, and since it was rather large, it would obviously be expensive. Yet she believed she had been told by Alpha that she would win the money in the lottery. Thus, she bought a lottery ticket and eagerly awaited the drawing. She didn’t win but then believed Alpha had told her she would win the next week. She stayed in the area, bought another ticket and was absolutely certain that this would be it and that she would win at least 20 million Dollars.
Again, she didn’t win and although she realized something didn’t go as promised, she never actually questioned whether it was likely that the highest being in the universe would have given her such directions or would even take such an interest in her personal situation. She remained fully convinced that she was really so important to the masters, that she deserved the personal attention of Alpha and other masters, who would even tell her to buy certain personal effects.
I have seen another person, who after several years still takes dictations that almost always talk about the importance of her and the group of people supporting her. There is always some cosmic significance to what they are doing, whether traveling to another country or having a birthday party. Again, I simply can’t get into the mindset of thinking that “little ol’ me” is so important to the ascended masters, whom I have always experienced as being completely beyond personal idiosyncrasies.
In The Church there were a few cases where the masters mentioned specific people in a dictation. It was considered the highest honor, but I always saw it as the ultimate test. From time to time, the masters have said something about specific people through me. I always felt uncomfortable about this, but how do you stop a dictation? Yet I have come to see that this is always done as a test, and the main part of the test is the humility and realism I am talking about here.
Will you actually believe that because the ascended masters have talked about you, you and your personal situation is now so important? Will you think that now you must be beyond ego? Or will you realize that the real test is that you need to transcend your sense of self-importance and the focus on your personal situation? I have seen the masters tell people things that were clearly designed to push people’s buttons, and it was a last resort for getting people to overcome the focus on themselves.
I mean, it is a dilemma. As a messenger, you will likely be criticized and attacked by some people. So in order to withstand that, you have to be willing to make a sacrifice. And one way to motivate you is that you sense what you are doing is important. So having a sense of self-importance may be a necessary step to get you started as a messenger, yet I don’t think it can carry you beyond a certain point. There will come a time, when you simply need to depersonalize your messengership. You need to realize that while your messengership is important, your personal agenda or perception is something you need to leave behind.
I once had someone who thought he was a messenger for God get a whole group of supporters to start posting on a forum I had at the time. His main claim was that ascended masters were false because we all had to contact God directly. In other words there was no hierarchy of spiritual beings between us and God. I tried to politely tell them that it was fine with me that they had their viewpoints but that it didn’t change mine. They didn’t like that because they wanted me to argue with them, and they quickly started to become more and more aggressive in order to drag me into fighting them. I simply gave up interacting with them, because why should it be my role in life to change other people’s minds? My role is to be an open door for the ascended masters and allow other people to do with the teachings according to their own state of consciousness.
I once had a person claim she had taken a dictation that said I had lost my mantle as a messenger. When a friend of mine told me about this, I spontaneously said: “Oh, so should we now have a messenger war?” What I meant was that if I had tried to get the ascended masters to refute this claim, then we could have gone back and forth denouncing each other through so-called dictations. Yet it would simply have been one group of psychic impostors denouncing another.
I have several times had people who very aggressively wanted to drag me into submitting to them, and when I refused they tried to provoke me into arguing with them. Yet I have decided that my role is to focus on being available to the ascended masters, so I use my time to bring forth teachings that might help people rather than arguing with others—which I really don’t think helps anyone.
This does not mean I claim or think I am the perfect human being or have no ego. I still once in a while find myself reacting to what other people do or say with lower feelings. Yet I generally try to be alert to that and then look at myself to discover why I react that way. I know I have said that I once experienced a total surrender to God, but surrender is an ongoing thing. As you grow, you will uncover deeper layers of the psyche, and I think we will continue to do this as long as we are in embodiment. Ultimately, the ascension is the last act of surrender (on earth).
The bottom line here is the following question: Are you seeking to use the ascended masters to justify staying at a certain level of consciousness, or are you seeking to use them to rise to a higher level? This leads me to the next point.
Be willing to make decisions
The ascended masters have explained that the purpose of the material universe is to give us an opportunity to raise our consciousness. We do so by making choices and experiencing the material consequences of those decisions. The masters have also explained that the fallen beings only had to do one thing in order to derail our growth and keep us trapped in the duality consciousness.
They created the idea that the results of our creative efforts should be evaluated based on a dualistic standard, meaning a standard with two opposite polarities, such as right and wrong. And of course, the standard automatically implies the value judgment that one polarity is good and the other bad. After creating the standard, they then projected this into the collective consciousness as a very aggressive psychic projection.
Take note of the subtle mechanism. In the original scenario, we were innocent. This means we made a choice, experienced the consequence and then evaluated: “Do I want more OF this, or do I want more THAN this?” If we wanted more of the same, we continued making the same kind of choices. If we wanted more than what we had, we changed what we were sending out; we changed ourselves.
Once the fallen standard had been introduced, there was now a risk associated with making choices. If you made the “wrong” choice, YOU would be bad, and the angry God in the sky would then reject you. So we now started evaluating our choices based on the fallen standard before we made them. And because of the risk involved, wouldn’t it be nice if we had some infallible way to know what was the “right” choice before we even made it?
The psychological effect of this has been that most of us have developed a fear or making choices. We are afraid of experimenting, yet experimentation is the very core of expanding our consciousness. The essence of experimentation is that you make a choice WITHOUT knowing what the outcome will be, and then you learn from experiencing the result.
Instead, we seek for some way to find out what we should do in life without actually making a personal choice. We seek some outer authority who can tell us what to do, and if the authority is high enough, then our choices should always be right. In a sense, we abort the entire creative process, because even if an infallible authority told us what to do, we would not thereby raise our consciousness. Making yourself a robot does not qualify you for the ascension.
My point is that it is very common for spiritual people to use some kind of means to avoid making decisions. In the meditation movement, I saw adult human beings who simply could not make a decision about life without running to a psychic lady. I have seen people use Ouija boards, Tarot cards, pendulums, crystal boards, astrology, numerology, kinesiology and just about any other kind of -ology, and it was all done to give them the feeling that some infallible external authority had told them what was the right thing to do.
And of course, when you become aware of the ascended masters, wouldn’t it be just dandy if the masters or their anointed messenger could tell you what to do? In The Church it was very common for people, especially staff members, to seek the messenger’s approval before marrying. I have seen people who were told they were twin flames, and now they expected that their relationship would be “happily ever after.” When the inevitable problems arose, they sought to cover it all over, and eventually the marriage broke up (as any marriage is likely to do without honest communication).
The problem with seeking the approval of an external authority is that it fosters codependence. This can work as long as both sides are fulfilling their role in the bargain, but in the material world, everything will come to an end. When the messenger for The Church retired because of illness, many of the codependent followers became very angry with her. Overnight, she went from being their greatest hero to being the worst villain ever. And there was no end to the bad things they could suddenly say about her or the rumors they could circulate. But quite frankly, if you allow yourself to become codependent upon a spiritual teacher, it is because you have abandoned your personal responsibility to make decisions. And the depth of your anger only demonstrates your unwillingness to take responsibility for yourself.
I have seen people who thought that the ascended masters would take great interest in their personal affairs and that the masters would tell them where to live, whom to marry, what house to buy what used car to buy, what clothes to buy, what horse to buy, whether to garden or not garden and all kinds of things like that.
In a couple of cases, I believe that for a time, people were actually receiving directions from a higher source. Yet the purpose was to take these people towards the point, where they would start making their own decisions. For example, I have seen people who were given so many rules for what to do that they eventually could not move. In The Church the masters had given so many rules that you simply could not follow all of them. Yet to me this is simply the last resort for people who will not make their own decisions. The masters then box them in with rules and directions, hoping they will eventually take responsibility for their own choices.
I have met people who think it must be easy for me to make decisions, for surely an ascended master always appears and tells me what to do whenever I have to make a personal choice. I have never, ever seen it that way. I believe that for the vast majority of situations, it is my responsibility to make my own decisions. Surely, I can use the master’s teachings to increase my awareness. Surely, I can use my intuition and attunement as a frame of reference.
But in the end, I need to make choices based on my present level of consciousness—because that is the only way I will expand my level of consciousness. Having a master direct me as a puppet on a string will not take me to Christhood. Psychic forces don’t care about that, so they will gladly tell you what to do. Yet ascended masters will never compromise your path to Christhood, even if you beg them to do so.
Again, I think that while you are new as a messenger, the ascended masters may give you some directions. But unless you raise your consciousness and take responsibility for making your own decisions, you will lose contact with the real masters and will slide into working with psychic impostors. I have personally seen this happen to more than one well-meaning person.
The Middle Way for making decisions
Now once again, there is a delicate balance to be found. On the one hand, you obviously don’t want to make decisions based on your outer mind and its self-centered needs and desires. As the Buddha said: “If with polluted perception you speak or act, suffering follows.” So if you can’t use an external authority, how do you avoid making ego-based decisions?
The biggest decisions I have made in my life was when I moved to the United States and when I divorced my first wive and second wife. The decision about moving was based on a naive perception—and suffering did indeed follow, although I have no doubt the overall decision was part of my divine plan. However, if I had been more balanced, I could have implemented the decision in a more mature way. In terms of my two divorces, in each case I took a long time, where I simply waited for inner clarity. I did not make the decision because I wanted to get away from the relationship, I worked on my own psychology until I got to the point, where I could live with the relationship even if my partner did not change.
In each case, there came a point of clarity, where I realized I could continue the relationship but what I really wanted was to rise to a higher level of service—in or out of the relationship. And once I had reached this state of surrender, it didn’t take very long before outer circumstances changed, and it became very obvious what was the next step in my divine plan.
What I am trying to say is that there is a Middle Way between making decisions with the outer mind and wanting an infallible authority to tell you what to do. It is to work on yourself until you reach clarity, resolution and surrender. And when you do get clarity, you make a decision to go in that direction, taking full responsibility for the fact that you are choosing to move in that direction. As they say in India: “Don’t move until an elephant steps on your foot.” Yet when the elephant does step on you, admit that YOU are making a decision to move.
The measure of whether you have made a decision from surrender is very simple. You don’t regret it, you don’t analyze it and you don’t blame other people, the masters or God. And most importantly, you don’t need to justify your decision by making it seem like other people were wrong. In each of my divorces, I admitted that I am a human being with free will. I made a decision that it is my divine right to make, and I stand by that decision. I chose to leave because I wanted to move into the next phase of my divine plan as best I could see it at the time. I don’t need to demonize my ex-partner in order to make it seem like I had to leave. I don’t need to say that the ascended masters told me to do this or that they validate my decision. It was entirely my choice and I take full responsibility for making it. And to this day I feel completely at peace with both the marriages and the divorces.
My overall point being that if you want ascended masters to validate your personal decisions or make those decisions for you, you will likely be working with the psychic masters. They will “validate” your decisions for the rest of your life, and you can then feel really superior compared to those other people who are wrong in an epic way. Yet when you have had enough of this, then simply take responsibility for yourself and come back to the real ascended masters. I am fairly certain they will receive you with open arms, because I know it is only the fallen beings who want you to believe you can make a mistake from which there is no redemption.
Perfectionism and making mistakes
Closely related to this topic is the issue of perfectionism, which is another outcome of the fallen consciousness. It is easy to assume that the ascended masters are perfect, yet if you think about this honestly, you will probably see that no one has ever been able to define what it means to be perfect. And how could you define a static state of perfection, when the nature of God, life and the ascended masters is ongoing self-transcendence? So you see that the fallen ones have manipulated us into thinking we have to strive towards the goal of being perfect, but it is a goal that can never be attained—meaning we will forever be chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Yes, the ascended masters are indeed above us in the sense that they have transcended the personal level of consciousness. And when you hear ascended master dictations, it is easy to believe that the messenger receiving them must be a perfect human being. In The Church the messenger was seen that way by many people, which is why they became so angry when she fell ill and thus shattered the bubble of infallibility.
And while it may give you a nice status that people think you are infallible, it is actually a very unpleasant prison. For if people see you as infallible, you can never be allowed to make a single mistake, nor express your personality. Perfection is an all-or-nothing game, and a supposedly perfect person is often seen as having no personality or individuality. I remember coming to the headquarters of The Church back in 1987, and by simply observing how many things were organized, I realized the messenger could not be infallible. I then had to deal with my own idolatry, and after some struggles I realized that I could indeed allow the messenger to make mistakes and still see her as a valid messenger.
The messenger for The Church actually admitted herself that no messenger is more than 95% accurate in the messages he or she receives. And in her case, she brought forth so much material that 5% would be a rather thick book. The problem being, of course, that the inaccuracies are not collected in a separate book but scattered among the many accurate teachings.
This proves something very simple. The dream of perfectionism says that once a person has been anointed as a messenger for the ascended masters, that person is so protected by a mantle that he or she could never make a mistake. Thus neither the messenger nor the students need to exercise personal discernment but can accept everything that comes forth as accurate.
This is a big mistake, and I realized it many years ago. I realized that it is my personal responsibility to always exercise Christ discernment and never turn it off—whether I study teachings or bring forth teachings. As El Morya said in The Church: “Eternal vigilance is the price of discipleship.” It is also the price of messengership, and you can quote me on that one.
I have seen people who thought they had been anointed as messengers, and now anything they said was infallible. I have known a person who used muscle testing to get answers about all kinds of cosmological questions, believing that if her intent was good, her answer would always be accurate. Yet a good intention is no substitute for pure perception. If your intention is pure but your perception polluted, whatever you get will be colored by your perception. What is it they say the road to hell is paved with?
You simply can’t function or survive as a messenger if you have a need to portray yourself as perfect. You WILL make mistakes, because making mistakes is part of the testing you have to go through. The test will be somewhat individual based on your psychology, but a big part of it is that we need to overcome our fear of saying something wrong. I still know people who were part of The Church, and they are so reluctant to express their Christhood because they are afraid of saying something wrong. Yet how about the potential for saying something right? Should the risk of saying one thing that is wrong stop you from saying a hundred things that are right?
Another test you ned to pass is to realize that even if you say something wrong, this does not instantly disqualify you as a messenger. I have received things that I later realized were wrong, and I have received some things that I later saw were given that way because my consciousness could not receive a higher teaching at the time. I simply removed or corrected such things when I went through the websites in 2012. I also removed things that had simply become outdated—which will happen as long as your revelation is progressive.
The bottom line is that the ascended masters do not require you to be perfect, and they will never support the belief that you are. The psychic impostors will do this, so it is important for you to heal your psychology and overcome this need. Being willing to continually learn and transcend yourself is the only way to avoid becoming stuck at a certain level.
Be willing to move on
One of the tests of being a messenger is that after you have been a messenger for a while, it is very easy to become comfortable in your position. This can happen to people after a surprisingly short period of time, especially if they gather followers and build an organization that gives them a nice position. The Church was a somewhat typical example of this, but I have seen several others.
The problem here is that the ascended masters do not stand still. When I first heard about ascended masters I was not interested, because the way I was told about them made it seem like the masters were no longer growing—they were standing still. It was only when I realized that the masters do indeed transcend themselves, that I was interested in ascending. To me, growth is synonymous with life.
What I have experienced is that the masters’ state of consciousness is almost infinitely higher than what is common on earth. Their job is to give us teachings that can lead all people to the ascension—one step at a time beginning where people are at in consciousness. Given the current state of consciousness on earth, there is an almost infinite amount of teachings yet waiting to be brought forth. The problem is that for a higher level of teaching to be brought forth, the masters must have a messenger who has a high enough state of consciousness to receive the teaching. And they must have a critical mass of people who are ready to embrace the teaching and begin embodying it.
My point is that from the masters’ perspective, progressive revelation will not stop for a very long time. Yet the ego and the fallen beings always want to say that now we have the final or ultimate revelation. And if a messenger or a student body begin to believe this, then they can no longer serve in bringing forth a higher level of revelation. In that case, what are the masters to do? Well, for a time they may attempt to shake up the messenger and the students, hoping they can come up higher. But if that does not work, then the masters will simply leave behind both a messenger and an organization, no longer sponsoring it. It is then up to individual students whether they will hang on or move on.
At the time, I was not aware of what was happening, but in retrospect I can see that in the early 1990’s the masters had reached the upper limit for what could be brought forth through The Church. This didn’t mean they stopped giving dictations, but I can see that the dictations did not go higher for the last several years. Instead, the masters attempted to get people to work on their psychology and Christhood. And when that did not have the desired effect, the masters simply could not continue sponsoring The Church, and the messenger retired without appointing a successor.
After I started the askrealjesus website, a small organization sprang up around my second wife and I, which I was never quite comfortable with. Yet I had no clear sense of not allowing it to happen, so I let things unfold. When Mother Mary released Master Keys to the Abundant Life in 2005, I knew this would be a dividing line. This became even more obvious when the masters released further teachings on non-duality in the coming years. In retrospect, I feel I should have been more aware of this, but I wasn’t. Yet I did feel that some students simply did not grasp the teachings on non-duality, partly because they were still very attached to the entire approach given in The Church (many of the students were former members of The Church).
I remember several times at conferences taking a dictation and feeling how much more the masters had to say. I felt that the masters simply could not release it, because the people attending the conference could not receive the higher teaching. And I realized this was not a sustainable situation. I am not saying this to justify my decision to leave. I am bringing it up in order to describe the need to be alert, so that as a messenger you can move on when the masters move on, even if that means leaving behind a comfortable situation or other people.
The question I was facing was simple: Would I continue to take dictations for a certain level of consciousness, or would I be willing to move on – leaving the outer situation behind – so I could step up to a higher level of service? I was – as I have so far always been – willing to move on. I don’t yet have the full vision for where this will take me, but I do feel that today I am free to receive a higher level of teaching than ever before. And this is really all I want in life: To give the best possible service to the ascended masters while I still have a focus in the material realm.
Again, progressive revelation is progressive. Yesterday’s level of attainment is never sufficient for today. The ascended masters have nothing holding them back from flowing with the River of Life. If you want to keep up with them – as a student or a messenger – you have to cut your own attachments and flow with the masters.
Copyright © 2013 Kim Michaels